If you complain about it so much, why do you do it?

Good question. I ask myself the same thing every day.

Reading over what I've written so far, I recognize that a reasonable response might be: Wow, what a cranky, bitchy person.

Well, I do it for the flexibility, and because it's always been an easy job to get between other gigs. Also, I'm a glutton for punishment. Restaurant workers are members of a global community of pain.

Actually, I'm good at it, too. I'm organized, I have a good memory, and I'm not terribly shy. Those things lend themselves well to serving. Compared to the other jobs that are out there for English majors (i,e, something in an office sitting at a desk) time goes by faster and the pay is generally better.

So, it's a job that could be not so bad if only everyone would be considerate of everyone else. That's what I'm trying to accomplish with this here blog. Encouraging empathy while being entertaining.

That's all for now.

Guys can help spead the word, too, with this tee shirt.

"less than $3 an hour" tee with forest green text from Zazzle.com

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Outrageous but true stories about gift cards.

So, The Olive Garden has a tendency to mollify every guest concern with a magical balm that heals everything: a gift card. Managers give gift cards to anyone and everyone who expresses any slight concern about anything. Often, it borders on ridiculous. And it's annoying to servers, because it ensures that these disgruntled folks will return for another visit and (most likely) take this displeasure out on us. And get another gift card. And the cycle continues.

(An aside: a more employee-focused company would do the kinder thing, and discourage such narcissistic guests from returning, thus pruning the pool of customers to only the most amiable folks. Oh, wouldn't that be nice.)

And now, the true story of a gift card that was given at my O.G. at dinner yesterday:

Guest (returning to the store twenty minutes after leaving, frantic): I think I lost twenty dollars in here. Has anyone found a twenty near where I was sitting?

Manager (after genuinely looking around): No, we didn't find your twenty. But here's a gift card.

Are you kidding me??!!

Do you have an outrageous gift card story to share? Leave it in the comments.

Start a Good Tip revolution: Get a shirt and wear it everywhere.

"15-20%...the norm" v-neck. white w/ red text shirt from Zazzle.com

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Put down that DS and look at your waitress!

My latest observation about the state of human beings, besides the fact that most people who eat at the Olive Garden are pretty pathetic (see: grown adults clapping their hands together gleefully over the appearance of a handful of free Andes mints) is that too many kids these days fail to make eye contact with adults.

You would not believe the stuff pre-teens get away with at dinner: sullenly failing to participate in conversations, staring at their Nintendo DS’s instead of their servers, not answering when spoken to. It’s preposterous!

Something needs to be done about this. That’s all for now.

Mouthwash is expensive.

Servers at The Olive Garden location I work at deal with a lot of piddly tips. $5 on a $37 tab, $1 on $11, $4 on $25. We can only have 3 tables at a time, so these diner-like tips don’t add up to vast riches, especially when you only get a chance to turn your tables three times during a single shift. Do the math. On an especially crappy night, if your three tables are averaging $5 per table, and you turn them 3 times, that means you make $45. After you tip out your buser ($5) and your bartender ($3), you’re left with a pathetic $37.

The other night, several of my coworkers were discussing the price of toiletries. Simple things like shampoo and conditioner and contact solution. Contact solution alone costs $10. Overheard, a conversation between O and J:

O: Things are so expensive!

J: I know. Yesterday I went to the drugstore, just for basic necessities, and I spent everything I made on Monday night. Just toothpaste and dishwasher soap and all the little things we need around the house.

It is true: there’s a discrepancy between how much we earn and how much things cost. Prices keep rising, but tips don’t. 10-15% is the norm in this geographic area, and it was probably the norm in 1970.

I know some people think $10 is a lot to tip a server, but please remember that $10 doesn’t amount to a whole lot at Rite-Aid. Tips pay our bills. They aren’t just a little “thank you” you’re giving to a teenager who will then proceed to blow it all on lip gloss and bubblegum. Tips pay bills, buy medicine, pay co-pays, buy school clothes for the kids, and pay for $200 textbooks. Please be generous. Remember how little a dollar buys the next time you’re tempted to write in that amount on the tip line on your credit card slip. Be generous. Go for $3. Or even $5. Surprise us. Make us smile in between trips to refill your coffee cup and beg the salad man for extra olives for your salad. Be good to your server.